The neuroscience of great service: can we train empathy?

Empathy is a trait that is invaluable in all workplace cultures. It’s also a vital asset for your hospitality staff. Empathy in service is usually seen as an inherent trait , something you either have or you don't. But what if we could actively train it? 

What if understanding the neuroscience behind empathy could unlock a new level of service excellence and set your hospitality venue apart?

This isn't just a philosophical question. It has been a topic that has become popular in an industry striving for both exceptional customer experience and robust staff retention. 

Dr. Kylie Ensrud, a Social Neuroscientist, states that "empathy is essential for building strong relationships, fostering trust, and driving positive outcomes," all skills that are vital in the customer service industry. If we can tap into the brain's capacity for empathy, we can revolutionise how we train our teams, elevate guest satisfaction, and cultivate a more collaborative and innovative workplace.

What exactly is empathy?

Before we explore how to train it, let's get a better understanding about what empathy truly means. It's often confused with sympathy, but the two are very distinct. Sympathy is feeling for someone – a sense of pity or sorrow for their misfortune. Empathy, however, is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It's about putting yourself in someone else's shoes, sensing what they might be experiencing, and empathising with their situation, even if you haven't lived it yourself.

Neuroscience categorises empathy into two main types, both which are crucial for great service:

1. Cognitive empathy, or theory of mind, is the capacity to recognise and comprehend another person's perspective. This is about intellectually understanding someone's feelings and thoughts without necessarily feeling them yourself.
    
2. Emotional empathy is the ability to feel what another person is feeling. You may feel some joy when someone else is happy or a sense of sadness when someone is suffering.

Cognitive empathy allows for strategic problem-solving and anticipation, while emotional empathy builds genuine connection and rapport. Both skills that could support customer service delivery.

The dangers of too much empathy

While empathy is undoubtedly a powerful asset, it's crucial to acknowledge its potential downsides, particularly the risks associated with excessive emotional empathy. 

"In other words, having *too* much empathy can wear you down. Bearing the weight of someone else's pain over a long period of time can lead to exhaustion, burnout, and apathy after a while. It can also cause mental health challenges." Verywell Mind

In the high-pressure environment of hospitality, constantly absorbing the emotions of guests and colleagues can be incredibly draining. Unchecked emotional empathy can lead to:

• Burnout: Frontline staff, constantly exposed to demanding guests or stressful situations, can become emotionally exhausted if they lack the tools to regulate their empathic responses.
• Impaired Decision-Making: Overly emotional responses can cloud judgment, leading to decisions based on feeling rather than logic or company policy, which might not be in the best interest of the business or other guests.
• Compassion Fatigue: This is a severe form of burnout common in caring professions, where repeated exposure to others' suffering leads to a diminished capacity to empathise and care.

Therefore, the goal isn't just to train empathy, but to train balanced empathy, ensuring staff can connect deeply without becoming overwhelmed.

Empathy in the hospitality setting

For waiting staff empathy could be noticing a subtle anxious glance at a watch and preemptively offering to check on their meal, rather than waiting for them to complain about the wait. This is a blend of cognitive (understanding their probable anxiety) and emotional (feeling a slight pang of concern for their stress) empathy. For a Hotel Receptionist it could be picking up the exhaustion of long-haul traveller and offering a quiet room or an early check-in. For a Manager it could be understanding how a team member's personal struggles impacts their work, offering support and flexibility rather than just reprimand. This requires both cognitive understanding of their situation and appropriate emotional response.

All of these responses require the ability to read verbal, non-verbal, and even situational cues and to be able respond not just efficiently, but thoughtfully and personally.

What are the benefits of empathy in hospitality?

Enhancing the customer experience

Empathy can help enhance the customer experience. This is perhaps the most immediate and obvious benefit. When guests feel truly understood and valued, their experience is elevated. Empathetic service can lead to guests feeling positive and listened to. This makes them more likely to become brand advocates for your venue, leaving good reviews and recommending you to others. 

De-escalating conflicts

Empathy can help de-escalate conflicts as it provides understanding of the other person’s feelings and perspective. 

Build trust and collaboration among teams 

When team members empathise with each other's challenges, they are more likely to offer support, step in to help, and work collaboratively. Having an empathetic manager can also help build an environment where employees feel that they can voice their concerns, admit mistakes and come up with solutions. This would combat the finding that employees often leave a manager, not the job. 

Reduce staff turnover

Employees who feel understood and supported by their leaders and colleagues are significantly more likely to stay, reducing the high costs associated with recruitment and training.

Supporting innovation

In a study conducted on empathetic leadership, researchers found that empathetic leadership was directly related to an employee's innovative behaviour. To cultivate that innovation however, a supporting training environment with career coaching was advised.

“When employees work in a caring and supportive environment, they are more motivated to create and enhance personal value, which benefits the organisation. Second, organisations can encourage employees to take responsibility for their careers by optimising the career environment…provide relevant skills training and interventions, including participating in planning, decision-making, exploration, and problem-solving, to promote employee adaptability to the changing work environment and cultivate positive work behaviors.” Frontiers in Psychology

A leader with high cognitive empathy can better anticipate market trends and employees can better assess guest needs, both helping to drive strategic innovation.

Can you train empathy?

The most exciting revelation from neuroscience is that our brains are malleable and can adapt. That means that empathy is not a fixed trait that you have or don’t have. It's a skill that can be developed and strengthened.

“Because our brain’s neural circuitry is malleable and can be rewired through neuroplasticity, one's tendency for empathy and compassion is never fixed. We all need to practice putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes to reinforce the neural networks that allow us to "love thy neighbor as thyself" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."...As with everything, we need to take a multi-pronged approach.” Psychology Today

As the Cleveland Clinic's "The Neuroscience of Empathy" podcast discusses, various techniques can activate and strengthen the brain's empathic circuits.

"Our brains are built to connect with other people. We have a set of systems that allow us to have empathy and it is something that we can improve, we can change." — The Neuroscience of Empathy podcast, Cleveland Clinic

Training employees and leaders about emotional intelligence is a great way to start building better empathy. Teaching self and social awareness can therefore help build empathy.

There are a number of techniques that can support training in empathy, such as role-based scenarios, perspective exercises, emotional regulation and communication training., 

Scenario-based training and mirror neurons

Research conducted in the 1990s discovered “mirror neurons.” Mirror neurons are brain cells that fire both when we perform an action and when we observe someone else performing the same action. This neural mirroring provides a biological basis for empathy, as it allows us to feel and understand another person's emotions as if we were experiencing them ourselves.

By actively engaging in activities like observing people's facial expressions, watching or participating in role-playing scenarios, we can stimulate and strengthen these mirror neurons, effectively training our brains to be more empathetic. 

Perspective exercises

Training that involves realistic scenarios can help team members understand guest perspectives. The goal isn't just to solve the problem, but to articulate what the 'guest' might be feeling and why. Utilise feedback forms and complaints to model relatable scenarios.

"Walk a Mile in Their Shoes" programs

Cross-training could be implemented where a front-of-house staff members spends time in the kitchen, or vice versa. Understanding the challenges of another role naturally builds cognitive empathy.

Case studies and discussions

Present complex guest situations and have the team discuss "What might the guest be thinking/feeling here?" and “What is their underlying need?”

5 whys

The 5 Whys is a simple yet powerful problem-solving technique used to get to the root cause of an issue by repeatedly asking the question "Why?" It is a core component of "open-loop learning" because it encourages a continuous, inquisitive process that doesn't stop at the first answer. Instead of simply providing a quick fix (a closed-loop solution), you keep the investigation "open" until you uncover the fundamental cause, preventing the same problem from recurring. This technique helps can help empower employees to think critically and empathetically.

Emotional regulation training 

Mindfulness

To help prevent burnout and prevent too much empathy try training courses that look at mindfulness and stress reduction. 

Set boundaries

Train managers and staff on how to set healthy emotional boundaries while still providing excellent service. This means understanding that you can acknowledge a guest's frustration without taking it on as your own. After particularly challenging shifts or guest interactions, provide a safe space for staff to debrief, share their feelings, and process their experiences. This is vital for releasing emotional load.

Communication training 

Active listening is foundational to both cognitive and emotional empathy. Coach staff on how to be successful communicators,  determine between verbal and non verbal communication and how to overcome communication barriers. 

Equip your leaders with effective empathetic leadership training and communications so they can understand the nuances of their team's emotions and provide appropriate support.

Training empathy isn't about teaching staff to fake emotions. It's about activating and refining the natural human capacity for connection that already exists within us. By understanding the neuroscience behind empathy, hospitality venues can implement targeted, effective training programs that go beyond surface-level customer service.

This investment will not only result in more satisfied guests and a stronger brand reputation but will also cultivate a more resilient, collaborative, innovative and engaged workforce. In an industry defined by human interaction, mastering empathy will give you a strategic advantage that will enable you to provide exceptional service.

Relevant courses: Help staff communicate better with courses on Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication, and learn how to relate to others in our Emotional Intelligence course.